SI Madness!
by Apatha2
Summary: A true tale of love and adventure well, not really. At all Just your typical gettransportedtoZim'suniverse fic... Or IS it? Lots poking fun at cartoons. Bit of a parody, really.
1. The Z? Ship

YO! It's been a while. I've been studying abroad, trying to find myself in Europe and Africa. I eventually came home with a vision: to write a reletively non-horrible Zim-related fanfic. This piece derives most of it's humor from poking friendly fun at Invader ZIm and cartoons in general, so I hope it is as fun to read as it was to write. The whole thing's pretty much done, so I'll be updating like, I dunno, everyday or so. Yeah, I finished the whole thing before I posted. Pretty clever! It has three characters of my own (don't be mad, they're funny) that are based on me and my friends. Names were changed to protect them. cough

Apatha collapsed as soon as her door was open.  
"Skool... so... DRAINING!" she moaned as she slowly  
clawed her way across the floor, her overloaded  
backpack in tow. A claw-like hand reached over the  
edge of her desk and dramatically pulled a handful of  
M&Ms from a blue bowl that lay on a stack of random  
doodles. As the chocolate candies were chewed, the  
fatigued female jumped up with an audible "ping!"

Now filled with sugar-energy, Apatha cheerfully  
grabbed the phone. Punching in some numbers, she set  
the phone to her ear, and hopped as the other end  
rang. A voice crackled onto the other line, "Hello,  
human. I AM NORMAL!"

Apatha giggled and responded in a voice riddled with  
voluntary cracks. "Hey, man, that video is 2 weeks  
over due! Turn it in tomorrow or you're gonna  
paaaaay... LATE FEES!" Both ends of the phone filled  
with laughter as the friends shared their Zim-jokes.

"Anyways, Ivan. There's that English test coming up.  
Want to come over to study?" asked Apatha.

"Sure, but can Dan come, too? He was gonna come here  
for the studyin'."

"Whatever. See ya in 10!" They hung up.

Soon, the small three person group was sitting in the  
middle of Apatha's room, books and binders lay open as  
they diligently took notes. A typical scene of Ivan  
and Apatha would depict the two half-studying, and  
half-doodling their favorite cartoon characters, or  
laughing as they recreated their favorite jokes.

In the presence of Dan, such behavior is rare. You  
see, Dan doesn't watch cartoons. He doesn't read comic  
books. He doesn't even eat potatoes (but that's a  
different story)!

"That lipstick's the wrong color for you!" cried  
Apatha, pointing accusingly at Ivan. He laughed. "I  
see your envy of my neck, and I don't blame you!  
Droooool over my magical powers! I have powers pinto  
beans can only dream of!"

Of course, there were times when a quote would slip  
out unsupervised.

The pair fell into fits of ground-pounding laughter.  
Dan hardly flinched as he answered his own question.  
"Inside joke," he muttered.

Apatha regained her breathing as she calmed down.  
"Sorry... sorry. You'd get it... if you were... cool  
like us." She and Ivan grinned as Dan looked them  
over.

Ivan: medium sized; short, spiky, black hair; plain  
color clothing (T-shirt, loose jeans); an evil grin;  
squinting brown eyes.

Apatha: dyed purple streaks in blond hair; a silver  
ankh pendant; plain color clothing (a tank top and  
loose pants, usually); a stupid smile; wide open gray  
eyes.

Nothing obviously strange or crazy about these two;  
you'd need to hang out with them to get a full dose of  
what they're like. Dan sighed. "Yeah, cool. Whatever."  
Dan himself was the epitome of normal, baggy pants and  
all. His hair was black, brown eyes. Pretty normal,  
even in spiteful silence, which now filled the small,  
barn-smelling room.

"Okay, yeah, sorry," Apatha rubbed the back of her  
neck cartoonily (that really should be a real word).  
"Here, I'll get us some drinks."

Now would be a perfect time to bring out the main  
plot, yet, I rather like these semi-real characters  
sitting in my fictional room, drinking stuff and  
reading stuff. Okay, FINE.

As Apatha returned with a Pepsi in either hand and a  
Dr. Pepper balancing on her head, a loud noise  
startled her. It sounded something between a plane  
landing and a dead moose. Not a DYING moose, but a  
dead one.

Apatha jumped into the air and dropped the three cans.  
"WTF?" she cried with a giggle. (Using internet lingo  
in real life always makes me laugh)

Ivan and Dan joined her in the hall way. "I heard a  
noise," stated Dan.

"Well, YEAH!" cried Ivan and Apatha in almost perfect  
unison (Ivan had held his "well" a bit longer).

"Sounded like a plane or somethin'," said Ivan.  
"Yeah," agreed Apatha. "And a dead moose."

"I thought that, too," Ivan responded as he headed for  
the door. "C'mon! Let's check it out!"

And so the three sophomores exited the house of Apatha  
and stepped into her back yard.

It was a sight of pure glee, for there rested a  
Voot-type spaceship which was black and silver. In the  
place of an Irken logo was: Z?

The ship gave of a sparkling gleam much like the squee  
of a fangirl, or frightened little boy. The rockets  
held a power and majesty only held by that of a  
murderer with the upper hand. The tinted glass  
concealed the inner seats with the dark cover of a  
hidden voice.

Okay... that was weird.

Anyways, the great craft was a wonderful sight to  
behold. Apatha and Ivan hugged each other, bouncing in  
pure ecstasy.

Dan just looked confused or uninterested or worried or  
all three. No one likes him anyhow. So, as Ivan and  
Apatha circled the craft, exclaiming their absolute  
excitement at every shiny surface, Dan thought and  
finally posed a question. "Where did this come from?"

The Zim-fans stopped. "What...? Who CARES!" cried  
Apatha. "Yeah!" exclaimed Ivan. "Let's get inside!"

The three teens opened the huge windshield-type-thing  
to reveal exactly three seats. "How utterly  
convenient," mused Apatha. Her eyes looked upward and  
she put on a look of mock-fear, "Almost as if it was  
planned!"

Ivan laughed as he climbed inside. "Let's hurry! I can  
sense the interest of the readership fading!"

Apatha's eyes widened, "Oh, yeah! Crap! Hurry up,  
Dan."

Dan examined the inside of the ship. It looked  
entirely foreign to him, but to us it would look like  
the inside of Zim's voot, with some added installments  
for radio and the suchlike. "I'm not getting in there.  
Do you even know how to run this thing?"

Apatha sighed. "Don't worry, Ivan and I are EXPERTS on  
voot cruisers! These type of things are all OVER the  
cartoons we watch!"

Dan raised an eyebrow and said nothing.

"I've used more complicated devices as play things!  
I'll figure it out!" said Ivan from inside the ship,  
where he was happily bouncing in his seat. Dan made a  
point by not saying anything.

"Come on, Dan! Don't be such a dookie-head." said  
Apatha in a pleading voice.

"Hehe... Dookie" muttered Ivan.

"But you only know this thing from CARTOONS! This is  
REAL LIFE! Not a cartoon!" cried Dan, waving his arms  
about.

Before Apatha could answer, Ivan poked his head in  
between the two. "Hey! Losing readership!"

Dan jumped in that instant. If there was anything he  
didn't want, it was to be ignored by all his possible  
readers. (Please readers, love Dan's sorry bum and  
read my crap. I promise Zim will be in it by the third  
chapter AT LEAST!)

So the Zim-fans and Dookie-Dan sat comfortably in  
silence for a good 10 seconds. This, as told later by  
Apatha, added a good amount of  
not-doing-anything-humor, which was dearly needed by  
the fic. After this was over, Apatha, who was seated  
in the middle, cracked her knuckles and began to push  
buttons. Ivan did the same on his side, smartly  
pressing the right ones at the right time.

The ship lifted off smoothly, then SHOT INTO THE FAR  
REACHES OF SPACE, creating a wormhole and it warped  
into another dimension! Everyone screamed and  
screamed until the voot slowed down enough for them to  
note their surroundings.

Outside of their silver and black voot was a world  
very close and familiar to us all. That is, except for  
Dan. Ivan and Apatha were by this time just drooling  
morons, completely broken down by the sight in front  
of them.

Dan took this opportunity to examine the  
indecipherable controls. "Hey, guys? How did you know  
what to do?"

Ivan snapped from his amazement long enough to roll  
his eyes and say, "Well, duh! This is from a cartoon!  
The controls are rarely consistent, and therefore, no  
matter what you press, you get the same outcome."

"Which is cool!" added Apatha.

The ship slowly came to a stop, and it lowered  
smoothly to the ground. Ivan and Apatha pounced out  
onto the computer-colored landscape and promptly  
turned into cartoon versions of themselves. "Wow!"  
exclaimed Apatha. "I always wondered what I would look  
like in JV style!"

Dan removed himself from his seat in the voot. "What's  
JV?" he questioned as he checked himself out.

Ivan sighed. "He's SO confused and out-of-his-league  
right now."

Apatha smirked. "I know, totally." She advanced on Dan  
slowly. "Do you have what it takes to know all there  
is, to be truly obsessed about Invader Zim and, maybe,  
JtHM as well? Can you handle all the pointless  
information you need in this world to SURVIVE!" By  
now, she was a few inches from Dan's nose with the  
facial expression of a drill sergeant.

"Um... no, not really," said Dan as politely as he  
could.

Apatha backed off and looked at Ivan incredulously.  
"Well, okay. If you don't wanna LIVE!"

"Yeah, whatever."

Giggling happily, Ivan and Apatha skipped down the  
street together with Dan sulking behind. He was a bit  
disappointed about his current position, as would  
anyone who had no idea what was going on. Apatha  
looked around at the semi-familiar sights.

"Why is there nothing good here!" she cried  
dramatically in Zim style.

"If we keep walking, we'll find the Skool really  
fast," decided Ivan.

"How do you know that?" asked Dan as he caught up.

"It's a cartoon. No one wants to sit around and watch  
some characters wander around for hours."

"Yeah!" Apatha cried triumphantly. "Woo! Ivan,  
high-five!" The friends slapped hands quickly and set  
off in a random direction.

"Hey, look! It's Wally!"

"Yeah, you hardly ever see HIM walking around."

"Um, is he a character?"

"Nah, just a background person."

"... And you know his name? That's incredibly nerdy  
and stupid."

"Hey! He's not JUST a background person! He voices  
Tallest Red, as well as some Family Guy characters in  
real life. Also, in the show, he flagged a bus down,  
prompting Gir to say a particularly helpful line,"  
Apatha proved her geekiness with a long dialogue.

"What... about... the... bus?" recited Ivan.

Dan made ANOTHER point by not saying anything. He  
stared at the two laughing morons with one eyebrow  
raised.

They continued to walk for a very small amount of  
time, when the Skool broke into view. "See, what'd I  
tell you?" said Ivan smugly. "Yeah, Ivan! We were SO  
right!" Apatha cried, her excitement increasing more  
and more.

They rushed to the window to the right of the front  
doors. and peered in with held breath. They stifled  
squeals as Ivan pointed to their cartoon heroes. Zim  
and Dib sat in bored silence behind the glass... doing  
absolutely nothing. Did this deter Ivan and Apatha's  
excitement? Heck, no!

"Hey, did ya notice they spelled 'school' with a 'k'?"  
came a voice from behind. Dan stood and pondered the  
sign that hung above the facility. "Isn't that  
teaching our youth the wrong way to spell it? Wouldn't  
this cause problems in school? That's probably why the  
show was canceled."

Apatha glared at Dan. Not knowing where to start she  
said, "Quiet, you'll wake the baby!"

Ivan whipped his head around. "And I thought I was  
random." The two giggled at her pointless statement  
while Dan rolled his eyes and pulled out his iPod.

Movement inside the classroom caused the fans to quiet  
down and listen. After all, nothing boring ever  
happens in the cartoon world. Ah, yes. Ms. Bitters was  
rambling on about the flesh-eating diseases of Africa  
as Zim and Dib argued quite obviously in front of the  
class.

"Take it back!" cried Dib, much to the swooning af  
Apatha (she's a bit of a Dib fangirl).

"I'll never take it back, Dib," Zim growled  
contemptuously, to more swooning of Apatha (she's a  
bit of a Zim fangirl, too).

"But I don't want it!" Dib squirmed under the heavy  
tackle box.

"What makes you think I want it! I am far too  
advanced to be lowered to the level of carrying that-"  
Zim scoffed, "-THING!"

"Hey! We both have to carry this, Zim! It's too heavy  
otherwise!" Dib strained under the immense weight.

Dan peered in the window. "Why-?"

"Does there NEED to be a reason?" interjected Ivan, a  
little angrily.

Dan sighed and sat down by the window.

Inside, Dib's knees shook as he attempted to move  
along as Ms. Bitters shouted threats involving  
parakeets (homage to KidK!). Zim marched imperiously  
ahead. The two boys... people... male species... um.

Zim and Dib continued on into the hall, and out of  
sight.

Apatha groaned. "I'll bet all KINDS of cool adventures  
are happening in there right now."

"Well, why don't we go in and..." Ivan began  
deviously, a evil grin beginning to form upon his  
head.

Before he could continue this thought, however, Zim  
and Dib returned looking rather beat up and angry.

"Well, at least that time warp allowed us to return  
relatively unharmed," stated Zim loudly.

"Yeah, I liked the part where that lady exploded into  
marshmallows," mused Dib, a look of memory upon his  
face.

"But someday, DIB!" Zim pointed accusingly at Dib and  
yelled, "Someday I will finally get you to..." he  
looked around at his staring classmates. "Uh, get you  
to loan me a pencil, heh heh. I seemed to have  
misplaced mine." He grinned widely.

The class stared in silence. Slowly, Zita reached an  
arm out and a pencil fell from her fingers, clattering  
on Zim's desk. The silence continued for a bit longer  
until Zim coughed, straitened his back and marched to  
his seat. Dib slumped into his as well while Ms.  
Bitters loomed over him, growling.

Outside, Apatha and Ivan rolled on the grass with  
laughter. Dan glowered at the two. "Hey, I can hardly  
hear this song!" he yelled. "It's my favorite one of  
the mix!"

"So.. pause it!" gasped Apatha as she dissolved into  
another fit of giggling. Ivan slapped her on the back  
in mirth. Dan, apparently unhappy with the ongoings  
inside the skool, slumped over in a huff.

"That's not even funny! It's just lazy writing  
disguised as funny! This is totally unclever and I am  
seriously doubting this place can even exist. I mean,  
the darn show's canceled, right?"

Apatha calmed down and looked at Dan. "Since when did  
you speak in italics?"

Dan gaped. "Well, I... Oh!" he cringed and pointed  
angrily. "Don't try to distract me!"

"Hey, don't doubt the existence! If you do that, the  
whole place might dissolve, and we'll be gone  
forever!" Ivan fell over into a fetal position, his  
eyes wide with fear.

Apatha tsked. "Now see what ya did to Ivan! He'll have  
nightmare visions for weeks!" She patted him lightly  
on the head as Ivan began to chuckle. "Nightmare  
visions," he murmured between snorts.

Dan opened his mouth to say something, but the bell  
rang before he could speak. Apatha, instead, filled  
the sudden after-bell silence. "EEEEEE!" she squealed.  
Ivan squeaked slightly, but attempted to contain his  
excitement. "Who shall we stalk first?" he asked.

Apatha considered this. "I guess Dib. Zim's house  
can't be THAT hard to find."

"True that," commented Ivan, with a nod.

"Plus, Dib is a severe cutie!" She grinned and clasped  
her hands together.

Ivan simply stared. "Never... do that again."

Apatha blinked. "But it's true... isn't it?" She  
turned to Dan, a questioning look in her eye. He  
glared.

"Are you serious? Do you think I would seriously find  
a male cartoon character, that doesn't even exist, to  
be attractive!"

"There he goes with the italics again," muttered  
Apatha, rolling her eyes. Dan scowled at her.

Before anything else could be said, Dib and Gaz exited  
the building surrounded by hundred of other  
animal-like children. "There's our target!" screamed  
Ivan as he jumped forward. "Yeah!" Apatha agreed, also  
pouncing forth in a dramatic pose.

The trio was silent as Ivan and Apatha remained it  
their poses, frozen and waiting. Apatha finally turned  
around. "Ahem?" she coughed curtly at Dan.

"Yeah, whatever... Hey, can I stay here for a while?"  
Dan looked up from his iPod. Ivan scowled. "No, now  
hurry before they get away!"

And they were off! Into the magical world of Invader  
Zim and the animated antics therein. Apatha was sure  
to keep the group at a safe distance away from the  
ever-observant Dib and his grumbling scary-sister™  
Gaz. As they wandered behind the children, Apatha  
tried to enlighten Dan on the finer points of  
animation and, specifically, the world that surrounded  
them. Ivan was adding things whenever he had something  
to add, but he was content with gaping at his  
environment and laughing at humorous signs.

"So, let me get this straight..." started Dan. "This  
little boy we follow now is the heartthrob of  
thousands of nerdy 20-year-old girls?"

"Yep!" Apatha bounced in joy. "Yet there is very  
little merchandise that features Dib! Which is sad,  
but I luv 'em all the same." She smiled cheerfully.

Ivan sighed happily. "I wanna watch the Scary Monkey  
Show..." He looked blissfully toward a TV in someone's  
window that sported the growling primate. Apatha  
patted his shoulder. "We will after we see Dib and  
Gaz's- Oh, we're here."

Dib and Gaz turned onto the walkway that was  
surrounded by the famous, and hardly used, blue force  
field. Apatha squealed silently. "There it IS! Oh,  
there it is! The place what holds the eccentric  
Membrane's Lab and the vampired Gaz's GameSlave 2!"

"And the unbelieved Dib's computers!" cried Ivan in a  
stage whisper.

"Is 'vampired' even a word?" asked Dan with scoff. "I  
also think 'unbelieved' is incorrect."

"What is this, a grammar lesson?" asked Ivan. "Now  
let's go up there, and RING THAT DOORBELL!"

"Yeah!" Apatha thrust a fist into the air. She gripped  
Dan's sleeve with her free hand and followed Ivan to  
the Door... of DIB!


	2. The Many Joys of a Cartoon Land

Yeah. It is. 

Chapta 2

Inside, Dib was seated in the living room with the TV  
playing a taped episode of "Mysterious Mysteries"  
while he typed away on his laptop. Of course, Dib was  
speaking to himself.

"So I found out that Zim's base only has several types  
of defence systems... I wish I had a better method to  
replace trial and error... Anyway, I can get to the  
underground labs through the toilet, the refrigerator,  
the-"

Gaz's harsh voice filled the room with a pitch black  
anger as she screamed to him from the kitchen. "You  
better be almost done in there, Dib! I'm going to  
watch TV while I do my homework!"

Dib's eyes didn't leave his glowing screen as he  
called back, "Okay, Gaz! But I was going to rewatch  
this episode!"

"You aren't even watching it, Dib!" Gaz entered the  
room with a bag of chips and a glass of milk. "Now  
leave before I gnaw your hands off." Her glare emitted  
flames that lapped at the oblivious Dib. Before he  
could either retort or give in to fate and leave, the  
doorbell rang.

"Answer the door," commanded Gaz as she flicked the  
channel and sat on the overstuffed couch.

"Geez, Gaz," mumbled Dib as he approached his house's  
entrance. As he set his hand on the knob, he paused at  
the hushed voices on the other side. Curious, Dib  
pressed his ear to the door.

"What exactly are we gonna say?"

"Oop! Didn't think of that."

"Obviously."

"Shush! Just ask to come in or something!"

"Yeah, THAT'S not creepy or anything."

"I said 'shush!'"

Taking this as a cue, Dib slowly turned the knob and  
opened the door a crack. He peered out with an eyebrow  
raised. His gaze took in the sight of three slouching  
and surprised teens. The only girl in the group slowly  
reached and hand out, then swiftly pushed the door  
open, knocking Dib back.

They entered, the spiky haired boy laughing. "Ha! That  
was funny," he claimed. "Yeah," agreed the girl.

Dib looked critically at the group before him. "What  
are you doing in my house!" He cried, louder than  
necessary.

"Geez, man. We're right here!" the last boy retorted  
as the cupped his hands on his ears.

The girl and spikey-haired boy were suddenly briskly  
walking around the room in an obvious attempt at anime  
styled interest. "Look, Ivan! The Membrane Lamp!" said  
the girl.

"I wish I had a camera," sighed Ivan. Dib stood  
quickly and looked to see what Gaz was doing. She sat  
on the couch, a notebook resting on her knees and, as  
she stuffed handful after handful of chips into her  
mouth, she scribbled answers to math questions in the  
notebook. (Gamers can multitask like CRAZY!) She  
emitted a growl when the girl, apparently named  
"Apatha" passed too close.

"Are you fans of my dad?" asked Dib, annoyed and  
worried.

"Huh?" Apatha looked at him. "Oh! Oh, sure. Professor  
Membrane. Great guy." Ivan stood next to him. "Hey,  
can we see your computer?" Somehow, he had obtained a  
camera, and was now taking pictures of the house, Gaz,  
and, currently, Dib's head.

"Cut it out!" Dib flailed his arms at the crazed teen,  
and started to push him from his house, muttering,  
"Stupid fans..."

Apatha heard this. "Oh! I'm sorry, sir. Where are our  
manners?" she stepped back. "We just barged in here  
and started annoying you guys, I'm very sorry." Her  
hands folded and she solemnly looked down.

Ivan pushed his camera into his pocket and mimicked  
Apatha's position. "Me, too."

The last boy, still at the door, simply scoffed.  
"Well, don't look at me," he said as Dib's eyes fell  
on him.

"Um..." Dim faltered. He wasn't expecting this.

"Our reason for being here," Apatha started as she  
looked up, "is to see you, I believe..." she paused,  
as though thinking. When she seemed to come to a  
conclusion, she smiled slyly at Dib. "Agent Mothman."

"Oooh. Good one," whispered Ivan as he leaned over to  
Apatha.

Dib stared, open mouthed, at them. Were they... part  
of the Swollen Eyeballs? "Wh-what do you want with  
me?" asked Dib, only somewhat frightened and nervous.  
But then, of course, this "slight" nervousness was  
exaggerated for the purpose of cartooning. Apatha  
noticed this and leaned toward Ivan. "Look, he  
believes us!" she said in a stage whisper.

"I know! I can't believe it!" Ivan responded,  
likewise. "Good thing for the gullibility of  
animation, huh?"

"Um, yes!" This loud and proclamations statement was  
directed at Dib. "We came to check on your advances in  
the knowledge of..." she paused for effect.  
"Paranormal studies!" now, Apatha lifted her hands and  
wiggled her fingers, her eyes wide. Ivan snickered  
behind his hand.

Dib paused for a moment, his face expressionless.  
Suddenly, "Great!" sounded about the room as Dib  
grinned widely and spazzed. He fled up the stairs with  
a "zoom" and turned around to call to his visitors.  
"Come on up here! I have something AMAZING to show  
you!"

Apatha and Ivan panted up the stairs, but Dan remained  
at the bottom. He looked at Gaz, the ultimate  
multi-tasker. He smiled. "What a buncha losers, huh?"

Gaz looked up at him with her mouth full. She raised  
her eyebrows.

"And THIS is a picture of Zim outside the school! And  
THIS one is from the bathroom! You can just see the  
evil plot in his eye. I caught him in there ranting to  
his refleflection. Isn't that sad!" Dib's mouth moved  
at 90 miles per hour as he excitedly showed a variety  
of evidence to Ivan and Apatha.

Apatha yawned from her place on the floor and  
nonchalantly leaned toward Ivan as Dib continued his  
rambling. "Remember, in fanfiction, the new characters  
believe him," she whispered.

Ivan looked at her. "Really? I've never read  
fanfiction."

Apatha scowled at him and readjusted her shirt. "Well,  
just play along... unless of course, we wanted to be  
more show-like... do you think this world is cannon?"

Ivan sighed, "I say we stick to the most cannon-istic  
we can be." He grinned as Apatha rolled her eyes.  
"That's internet grammar, that is."

"And I try everything I can to stop him- Hey, are you  
listening?" Dib looked up from his screen where a  
picture of a steaming Zim graced the screen. "Er...  
um..." Apatha broke away from Ivan and shifted her  
eyes. "Yeah!" She grinned. "Keep talking."

Dib stared for a moment before swiveling back and  
starting his rant exactly where he left off. "-but  
he's just so stupid to even...!"

Ivan leaned toward Apatha. "Do you really want to  
listen to this guy for a few more hours?"

Apatha thought about this. "Sure, I mean, the '2 Hours  
Later' sign should pop up any minute now!"

2 Hours Later

Dib pushed his chair away from his desk and looked at  
the two visitors. They were leaning against the wall  
in a state of unconscious consciousness. Apatha was  
pratically drowning in a pool of drool, and Ivan had  
one eye unfocused while he twiched against the wall.  
Dab sighed and looked at them with a look that said,  
"go figure." He hopped up and sulkuly headed  
downstairs to get a soda.

As Dib descended the stairs, he noticed something a  
bit... off. Sure, Gaz was sitting on the couch,  
enjoying a nice snack and watching the TV with her  
normal look of evil on her face. Sure she looked just  
as painfully angry as ever, but there was... someone  
else there. Dib had known his sister to be pretty  
anti-social. I mean, it was kinda obvious. But the  
third guy, Dan, was sitting on the floor a bit in  
front of Gaz, slouching a bit and shoving chips into  
his face.

Dib paused at the bottom of the stairs looking  
curiously, one eyebrow up, at his sister. As he opened  
his mouth to make a whiney sounding comment, his two  
visiters barroled down the stairs.

Her chest heaving, Apatha came to a sudden halt, her  
hand placed firmly against the wall. "Whad we miss?"

Ivan crashed into her and sent them both spralling  
across Dib, forming, as Gaz would call it, a pile of  
stupidity. Gaz snerked without looking, but Dan turned  
full around and stood up. He laughed.

"Okay, are you losers done? I have to admit, the TV is  
pretty awesome, but I really would like to get home,"  
he said.

Apatha jumped up from the bottom of the pile without  
upseting Ivan and Dib. (anime style, for some reason)  
"NO! You aren't supposed to tell them that we're from  
another dimension!" She waved her hands desperatly in  
animated circles above her head.

Dan cocked his head. "But... I didn't say anything  
about another dimension."

Apatha froze, then silently moved her lips, as though  
she was trying to figure something out. She mumbled,  
"Lessee... 'He laughed... "would like to get home."  
Apatha jumped up...'" Her eyes widened. "You're  
right!"

The room was quiet for some time.

"WELL!" shouted Apatha, "THAT was fun, Dib,  
wereallyoughtadoitagainsometimeBYE!" She gripped the  
hands of both Ivan and Dan and careened out the door.

Gaz turned the volume up on the TV. Dib stood up and  
watched the crazy teens run haphazardly down the  
sidewalk. "That was..." he started.

"Be quiet," said Gaz.

"Phew! That was a close one!" Apatha collapsed onto  
the grass. "Good thing got away when we did, I saw a  
look of realization occur in Dib's eyes."

Ivan slumped down next to her. "Though I was a bit sad  
that I didn't get to steal a whole lotta stuff." He  
reached into his pockets. "All I got was Dib's pencil,  
a key from his keyboard (letter "g"), Gaz's  
Gameslave..."

Apatha's hair stood on end. "My GOD, Ivan! Drop it!"  
She deftly slapped the game to the ground and cowered  
behind Dan, who is so uninteresting that his  
activities will not be described.

Ivan picked the game back up. "Relax, it's just the  
original Gameslave. I dug it out of the trash." He  
eyed it with admiration.

"Oh." Apatha calmed herself and sat back up, adjusting  
her hair. "I still think anything with a soul should  
be left to rest."

Ivan looked up. "Still? You've NEVER thought that  
before."

She stuck her toungue out, "How do YOU know?"

Dan growled firmly. "Are we DONE yet?"

Apatha turned slowly toward the offending male. "Uh,  
no. We haven't even gone to ZIM's house. You just KNOW  
something cool and crazy will happen THERE!"

"Yeah," said Ivan whistfully, as he packed away his  
filched items. "Let's go NOW!"

Apatha stood. "Okay! To Zim's Base!" she shouted,  
thrusting a finger into the air.

The two excited Teens took off at a gallop before  
skidding to a halt and turning around. Apatha sighed  
and fell into a relaxed position in which her foot  
tapped continuously. "COME ON! Dan! Time's a-wastin'!"  
Ivan laughed, "'I've always wanted to say that.'" he  
quoted. (where's THAT quote from?)

Dan stretched lazily. "Fine, fine." He followed,  
slumped over. "After today, I am never, NEVER watching  
cartoons again. EVER." He flung an arm out to his  
side, exsentuating his point.

"You never watched cartoons anyway."

"Yeah, well, this makes it certain. Life here is...  
pretty stupid. Nothing makes sense."

"You just don't have a sense of HUMOR!" Apatha thrust  
a finger into his nose. "Now let's MOVE!"

And they were off.

However, before the trio even reached the end of the  
street, they were joined by a screaming, panting Dib  
that ran tiredly on short legs. Apatha pointed him out  
with a flourish. "A CHILD!"

They stopped and waited for the lil' paranormal  
investigator who was dripping with case files, leaving  
behind him a trail of important papers, that were  
important enough to NOT be lost, and you'd think that  
Dib would try to keep them together, but I guess the  
falling papers has a nice effect, so we'll just leave  
'em there to blow about in the wind. It could be a  
metaphor, if you like.

Apatha beamed. "Look, Dib loved us so much that he  
followed us all the way out here. Innit that sweet?"  
She grinned at Ivan as he raised an eyebrow, skeptical  
about the Dib's motivations.

When Dib (finally) caught up, he doubled over, heaving  
breaths from all the excess exercise. Exercise is bad.  
He lifted the remaining case files in a desperate  
attempt to get his point across, but his moving mouth  
left no information, as he was all breathless and  
couldn't speak. Apatha and Ivan gazed upon the boy,  
their eyes half-closed in semi-interest (Dan was  
probably doing something, too). When Dib's breath  
caught up to his words, he said, "...so I need you to  
follow me!"

Ivan raised a hand, pointed, opened his mouth, and  
closed it. "Yeah... what?"

Dib raised an eyebrow, his voice was flat. "I'm going  
to show you Zim." His eyes widened and his voice  
showed more feeling. "You guys might be the ONLY ones  
who will believe me! I need you to follow me to Zim's  
base!"

Apatha clapped her hands. "Convenience! Let's go!"

Dib grinned widely and skittered off in the direction  
of... probably Zim's base. The crew followed, somewhat  
reluctantly, since Apatha wasn't sure they were being  
as cannon as they should. And, you know, Dan... stuff.

Gir quietly looked at Zim as he hugged his piggy. Zim  
glared back, slowly reaching a hand for a mysterious  
lever to his side. He eyes narrowed and Gir hugged  
tighter. Zim's left eye twitched, calculating. He had  
waited long for this moment. It had been 20 pages  
before he was finally in the fic, and he was prepared.

With a resounding "HA!" Zim threw the lever and a tube  
snaked down next to Gir, who turned his head  
curiously. The tube then sucked the screaming Gir and  
transported him into the upper regions of the house.  
The tube retracted and Zim coughed his way into  
laughter that ricocheted off the insides of his  
making-stuff room. He had spent all morning on that  
transporting tube, and he was very pleased with it.

Meanwhile, on the ground level of the house, Gir was  
dropped on the floor directly in front of the door,  
fully clothed in his doggy suit. He stood, his wide  
eyes gaping, and was promptly hit on the head with his  
belated piggy. He screamed wildly and gripped the pig  
close to his body protectively.

And the doorbell rang. Gir blinked slowly at the tall  
door before being pushed up to the eye hole by a  
platform. He peered through.

On the doorstep, a mad Dib was flailing in the  
desperate arms of a tall female, who seemed to be  
rather enjoying restraining the boy. A male, next to  
the door appeared to be yelling orders at the top of  
his lungs. Another male was standing next to the fence  
in the distance, and he was tapping his foot, looking  
impatient.

Gir opened the door and sat down, looking cutely at  
the three in front of him. Dib, frozen in the girl's  
mad grasp, thrust a finger into the direction of Gir.  
"The robot slave! Let me go so I can reveal his TRUE  
identity!" More squirming ensued.

"Awww... I luv you too, Dib!" Apatha gripped tighter  
to his torso in the patented Fangirl Death Grasp™ that  
she had been practicing at home. She was pleased that  
she actually had a chance to use it.

In the foreground, Ivan squatted next to Gir. "Hey,  
lil' robot-doggy! How ya doin'?"

The something TOTALLY unexpected happened.

Not Gir saying a random quote.

Not anything involving taquitoes or waffles.

And NOT any combination of these things.

Instead, Gir pounced onto Ivan's head, and commenced  
in trying to suck his brains out. See? Totally  
unexpected.

Ivan froze, the robot drool saturating his spiked  
hair, his eyes widening in horror. Then came the  
screaming. He ran in circles on the inside of Zim's  
base, careening across the couch and into the giant  
TV. Apatha stepped in, still clutching Dib, and she  
laughed. Dib, who had given up, lay lifeless in her  
squeezing arms, his glasses forming half-circles of  
angered defeat.

"Go figure that Gir would suck on your head, Ivan! He  
eats acne cream, after all!" Apatha's taunting shouts  
mixed into laughter as she collapsed in mirth.

Dib thought for a moment. "Wait... did you say...  
Gir?" Apatha stopped laughing mid-chukle. "Well, I...  
er..."

"And how do you know that he eats acne cream?" Dib  
pointed at her. Apatha's eyes darted back and forth,  
and a close up revealed that she was sweating  
profusely in nervousness!

"Well... it's an inside joke..." Her features  
softened. "Yeah, between me an' Ivan." She grinned.

Dib glowered and eyed her suspiciously. "Well, okay.  
But I'm starting to not trust you."

"Starting!" shouted an incredulous Don from the  
doorway. He leaned on the wall, concentrating on his  
iPod. Apatha glowered at him and dropped Dib into a  
Dibby heap on the ground.

"Hey!" wailed Dib

"Don, why can't you show some enthusiasm?"

"Because I want to go home!"

Ivan ran past, still batting at the clingy Gir.

"Can't you at least be happy for Ivan and I? We're  
perfectly happy now! This is almost a dream come  
true!"

"Pff!" Don rolled his eyes and looked back to his  
iPod.

Apatha's eyes flared, and softened. "Okay, Dib." she  
said. "Where's the Zim you mentioned?"

Dib stood, mouth agape. "Oh! Oh, right."

Gir pounced off of Ivan, directly onto the couch. He  
bounced on it, and flew out the window screaming. Ivan  
stumbled dizzily over to Apatha, his head drenched in  
robot saliva. "How can he drool if he's a robot?" he  
asked.

"I don't know," said Dib, "but I can find out!" He  
scraped some drool into test tube that he probably had  
in his pocket.

"Okay, now that my traumatizing event is over, you  
wanna find Zim?" asked Ivan.

"That's what we came for!" said Apatha cheerily.

"Then you will be greatly disappointed!" a mysterious  
voice shouted from behind.

"Richard Horvitz?" cried Apatha as she spun around.  
"Oh. Never mind. It's just a green kid."

"That's Zim!" cried Dib, stating the obvious for the  
benefit of the slow viewers. Zim cackled. "Yes! It is  
me! But you won't see me today, vile humans! I'm not  
coming out of my underground base-- I mean, BASEMENT,  
so you'll justhavetogoawaynowBYE!"

The group was silent as the maniac alien waved  
frantically.

"But," said Ivan. "You're right there. You aren't in  
your basement at all."

Zim opened in eye. "Yes, well, I had to tell you  
somehow, eh, so I came out to tell you I'm not having  
visiters today. Or any other day. Now be gone!"

"Why didn't you just use a monitor to tell use to  
leave, _spaceboy_!" cried the Dib.

Zim growled. "NO MORE QUESTIONS! You will leave my  
house!"

Apatha was suddenly to the left of Zim, poking at his  
head. He jumped, startled and disgusted. "He has real  
smooth green skin, Ivan! You should check it out."

Then Ivan was on the the other side of Zim, also  
happily poking away. "Yeah!"

Zim slapped their hands away, violently. "Though you  
are clearly amazed at my superior human skin, I must  
order you to refrain from getting your INferior human  
filth on me!"

"Yeah, he screams a lot," said Dib.

"Well, so do you, Dib," laughed Apatha. Dib scowled at  
her, his left eye twitching madly. Zim turned to the  
side in order to deliver a short soliloquy about his  
thoughts. So, you know, we know what he's up to.

"What am I going to do! I can't just unleash the  
computer on them, or else they'll know I'm not human!  
I just need to convince the three new humans that I'm  
perfectly normal, and then I can destroy/kill the  
Dib!" Yes, Zim had a plan!

He turned back to the subject at hand, his eyes closed  
and his hands behind his back in an imperial gesture.  
"Yes, so, where were we?" Apatha had indulged herself  
in a friendly game of rock-paper-scissors with the  
reoccurring Gir, while Dib and Ivan had an annoying  
poke contest. (or rather, Ivan poked Dib, and in  
frustration, Dib poked back) Well, Zim HAD been  
mumbling to himself for some time now, and the group  
had grown tired of waiting.

Zim opened an eye and cleared his alien throat. "I  
SAID..." He trailed off as Apatha overpowered him. "I  
win, Gir! Now gimmie twinkie!" She pounced into the  
air as Gir moaned and handed her a tasty cake treat  
from his head.

Zim sighed. Woah. Sighed? Not yelling? Has Zim given  
in? What's going on?

"That's it miserable humans! You are leaving NOW!"  
Zim's eyes flashed like an anime in the darkness of  
the place where he was standing. It was suddenly dark  
there for, you know... dramatic effect. Apatha choked  
out a laugh and nuged Ivan. "Yo, we should do what he  
says," she chuckled. Ivan mocked seriousness and said,  
"I have no idea why you led us to this place, Dib! It  
is obvious that we are disturbing this normal human  
child. He is not alien-like at all. We shall go now."

With that, Apatha and Ivan took their leave and  
disappeared behind Zim's big, purple door. Dan was  
already at the fence, scowling with annoyance. "Can we  
go now?"

Inside, Dib and Zim stared open-mouthed at the  
now-closed door through which the teens had left.  
"I... I don't believe it worked," stated Zim,  
incredulously. "I know," gasped Dib.

The two enemies paused for a moment, contemplative.  
Suddenly Zim snapped back into reality. "Dib! Get out  
of my base!"


End file.
